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You Should Date a Guy Who Reads

– Mia Judicpa

 

Date a guy who reads. Date a guy who knows Don DeLillo, who knows what Kafkaesque means, and who has adapted a cynical outlook because of too much Zafra. Date a guy who always stops by the bookstore and walks through the shelves with as much wonder as when a baby opens his eyes for the first time.

Find a guy who reads. You’ll know he does by the appearance of his messenger bag—bulky or, at other times, loose because he brought nothing else except his unkempt wallet and a hardbound copy of, let’s say, Ludlum’s The Bourne Supremacy. The way he dresses may change from time to time depending on how the main character of the book he is currently reading dresses. His hair isn’t remarkable, but his eyes are because they always look tired—and you will be amazed at how much depth they have.

 

Find him in one of the local coffee shops, skimming through his latest purchase; then again, he can be hurrying past you to get to the library in time for returning the book that has been overdue because he was distracted by the newspaper. He is that guy sitting on the far side of the bus with earphones on and a copy of Murakami’s Norwegian Wood held tightly in his bony hands. He won’t pay attention to you if you ask to sit beside him. He will be too immersed in the story to even notice he is nearing his stop.

 

Let him know that you are interested in literature as much as he is, and that he doesn’t have to go to a bookstore alone to find a book that has been in his reading list for years. Understand his need for introversion—time to reflect on the world is essential to him. Ask him what his take on the commercialization of Shakespeare is, if he supports or is against it, and if he wants to be like Shakespeare someday.

 

It’s easy to date a guy who reads. Give him classics for Christmas or post-modern fiction for his birthday. Indulge him in the words of Frost, in the wisdom of Buck and in the otherworldly work of Gaiman. Understand that he wants to be recognized for the profundity of his thoughts. Let him know that you want to read his essays, his literary criticisms.

 

He has given it a shot somehow.

 

Lie to him. He will comprehend your need to do so because he reads Allen and will be prodded to find the motives behind your action.

 

Fail him. He will be disappointed but he knows the beauty behind imperfection. Every protagonist has a weakness, and he understands that. He will behold the wonder by which life sews each person’s story. It will not be the end of the world.

 

Why feel insecure in his absence? That guy who reads appreciates the value of missing.

 

If you find a guy who reads, be thankful. He will teach you the workings of the world. He will take you to places without moving because his words can paint all kinds of scenery. If you find him sitting alone, sit with him but don’t say anything. He loves the silence. If he feels dejected, listen to him talk but don’t make him feel like a burden. He will do the same things for you more often than you will for him because he knows the worth of a friend.

 

Date a man who reads. He’s flawed, like every man, but he tries his damnedest not to be. Rest assured though, when he screws up he knows the power of a well-worded apology because he knows that the greatest heroes often trip on their capes. He knows he’s no different than a good novel; he unfolds a chapter at a time. Date a man who reads because he’ll cling to your every word likes he clings to plot developments. He’ll lean across the dinner table with a glimmer in his eye as you challenge him on…well, anything.

 

Date a man who reads. He’ll understand your need to keep the bedside lamp on till 2 in the morning because you couldn’t possibly go to sleep before reading the last chapter. And when you’re done with that last chapter, he’ll consume your thoughts as voraciously as he does your body. Date a man who will lie languidly in bed with you on a rainy or snowy weekend day with you and well, read.

 

He is the guy who loves humanity, but abhors human recklessness. He appreciates drama for the art in it. He writes beautifully, every sentence a story in itself with all the honesty his words bring. He will inspire you every time he talks.

 

Date a guy who reads because you deserve it. Live an exciting life and accept the turmoil, and all the beauty in it.

 

Or better yet, date a man who writes.

 

But then again, it’s not that bad to date one who doesn’t read.

– Jason Pinter

 

Date a guy who doesn’t read. You’ll find him in a bar, already on his third or fourth smoky glass of amber, staring at you through glassy eyes that say he was hoping someone like you would come along and that you’re up for fun tonight. He’s cute so you let him buy you a drink, maybe a shot or two, and let him tell you about his job, how much money he makes, and how attracted he is to you. You tell him a little about yourself, and take his nods and smiles to mean he’s soaking it all in, understands you just enough to feel a connection. Feel yourself falling for him because he’s not bad-looking, because he has a job and seems self-sufficient, and tells you how great it is that you read a book a week, if not more.

 

Make out with him at the bar a little, not a lot, because you want him to call you for a real date and fear he won’t respect you if things go further. You head towards the subway as he grabs a cab, without asking you to let him know you got home safe.

 

He doesn’t call you but instead sends a text message. Respond to the text and agree to meet for dinner. At dinner he’ll wear something smart and sensible with a nice cologne. He’ll talk more about his job, and forget most of what you told him the night you met. You kiss him goodnight, though he masks the clear disappointment that this is all he’s going to get. The next time you hear from him is a week later via a text message sent at 1:37 am, asking if you’re busy. It wakes you up and you tell him you were sleeping. He says he wants to see you, but agrees to do it formally next weekend.

 

On the third date he still can’t remember what you do, but you chalk that up to him being a guy. They’re not very good listeners anyway, but there’s something different about this one, you tell yourself, even though nothing leaps to mind. You start seeing each other once a week, sometimes two. You meet his friends at a bar. He introduces you, but then turns his attention back to shots and the ballgame while you nurse a beer. He’s a guy, you tell yourself, and you’re glad he has friends, his own life. He meets your friends, has a quick drink and steam-like conversation, then tells you he has to leave because he has work the next day and needs to rest up. When he leaves, your friends tell you he’s nice but it seems clear they can’t think of much else to say but they’re glad you seem happy.

 

You date for a long time, and begin to grow weary of being introduced as his friend. At one point he asks you how your job is going, but forgets that you told him a few weeks ago that you quit to go to grad school. You wonder if he’s going to pop the question, because you’ve been a bridesmaid in too many weddings and your friends seem so happy and you hope eventually you might feel that way too with him. One night he proposes to you at a restaurant, even though you’d told him long ago that you never wanted to get engaged in public. He has a big grin and a gorgeous ring and when you say yes he accepts the applause from fellow diners with a modest bow that conveys he’s more proud of himself than of the moments to come. The wedding is beautiful. You tell yourself he’ll be a good father, that he wants to be a provider.

 

When you get pregnant, you listen to him when he says he’d prefer you to be a stay-at-home mother, even though you worked hard to establish a career. You give birth to a beautiful child, but begin to resent the fact that he’s never home. He gets off work late, enters the apartment smelling of steak and good cigars. One day while washing his shirts you get a whiff of something that smells vaguely of perfume, but you let it go. On weekends he invites the guys over to watch the game, but doesn’t make eye contact when you bring over chips and beer for him and his buddies. You like awake at night listening to him snore while the baby cries. You have another baby. He passes around stogies while you force a smile. Years later you consider divorce, but don’t want to for the sake of the children. He takes you on expensive trips, but can’t hold your hand because he’s sending emails back to the office.

 

When he gets sick, you spend every day and night with him at the hospital, as do your children. Your oldest is married, and she beams in a way that feels foreign to you. When he dies you are alone. You look at old pictures and albums, each smile on his face reminding you of that first night you met, when he smiled at you and the future seemed limitless. Your children squeeze your hand harder than you can remember him ever doing. You know you were a good mother.

 

Date an illiterate guy because men who read know that a relationship isn’t just a catchy hook, but a series of interconnected events that add up to something larger than the words on the page or the moments in the day. Date him because he won’t challenge you or make you think, and because he doesn’t want that either. Date him because a guy who reads will watch the ballgame with you, while explaining the intricacies of every pitch, every shot, and help you understand the unparalleled drama that unfolds, and even if you already knew this you get joy from watching him try to make you happy. Date him because he refuses to change, to learn, and listens to the advice of others instead of going through the joys and pains of figuring out who he is for himself.

 

Date him because you’ll get a lot more sleep, as once he’s home from work he considers his day over, and you’ll be unencumbered by late-night conversations about topics that he didn’t even know he was interested in until he saw them through your eyes, while you learn what keeps his heart beating. Date him because holding hands is old-fashioned, and restaurant tables are usually too close together anyway for him to pull out your chair.

 

Date him because guys who read know that the biggest joys in life are sharing with others, while he believes communication begins and ends with a delineation of your duties. Don’t date a guy who reads, because men who read know that chivalry doesn’t have an expiration date, and know that what you have isn’t nearly as important as who you have. Don’t date a guy who reads because they are never satisfied with the status quo, will only look to learn more, and to teach you things that make your heart soar. Don’t date a guy who reads because then you won’t have to worry about him asking questions, and you can feel fulfilled with your own life, separate from his, rather than knowing that love between two people is greater than the sum of its parts, that a great story is so much more than the words on the page.